Unfamiliar
by BookmarkAHead
Summary: For some reason, Erica decides to act like her familiar for a day and somehow manages to get others to follow, much to Trude's dismay. Poor attempts at humour ensue. Somewhat lewd.


[Unfamiliar]

The first time she heard it, Gertrud Barkhorn had promptly decided that the sound had been a figment of her imagination, and slowly let herself become reabsorbed into the book she had been reading. After all, one wouldn't hear that kind of sound around here, especially in the middle of a military base. That would just be silly.

She shifted once again, trying to find a comfortable position on the red couch located by the window of the common room. She had been uncomfortable all morning, a weird feeling in her lower body kept interrupting her from enjoying the warm sunlight on the back of her head, along with the cool breeze that flowed lazily through the open window.

She briefly thought about asking that Fuso healer in their squadron to check it out, but abruptly dismissed that idea; remembering that girl in question wasn't an actual doctor, just someone whose common sense rivalled that of a bag of bricks that just happened to have healing magic. She couldn't remember her name anyway.

Trude was restless, and she didn't know why.

They had destroyed a Neuroi just yesterday, so theoretically there shouldn't be another attack for at least a week or so. Trude was sure she had gotten her "bloodlust" sated that battle. She fondly recalled the moment of victory, which involved her keeping a straight face and basically doing nothing special, but feeling extra nice inside. No, this feeling was something else. Something that the act of crushing Neuroi steel with her bare hands couldn't cure.

The second time she heard it, Trude actually looked up. With narrowed eyes, she scanned the room in slight annoyance for whatever it was that was disturbing her from mentally pleasuring herself with the well-used flight manual that she held in her hands. A very juicily detailed one, as a matter of fact. It was dry though. _Mentally._

The sunlit common room was completely empty, save for herself. _Too empty_, she deemed as she looked around the empty-enough-to-warrant-suspicion room with a level of suspicion appropriate for her situation.

Trude glared at the couch across from her, the table in between, and then at the piano near the edge of the room, as if they would crack under her interrogative gaze and reveal the source. Unfortunately for her, the pieces of furnishing had been well trained, and no words would pass their fictitious lips, no matter how many basic human/furniture rights she would have broken in their interrogation.

A blur streaked past at the edge of her vision as she looked to her right, and disappeared before she had a chance to get a good look at it. Barkhorn was many things; a Witch, a soldier, a functioning human being, an ancient entity trapped in a mortal coil paying her debts off for the events of the Divine War, but there was one thing she sure she was not; and that was "alone".

Recalling her extreme stealth training undertaken in the harsh winters and pleasant springtimes of Farawayland, Trude lowered her head and appeared to start reading, but her eyes swept left and right across the room, scanning. Only the most overconfident would fall for this ruse, and sure enough, the noise came once again, intent on gaining her attention. Or just annoying the hell out of her.

"_Woof"_

In that instant, Trude analyzed the approximate distance through the Doppler effect, and the echoing factors of the sound. She swiftly triangulated the position of the source, which pointed to the chair across from her, who had so effectively withheld the intel regarding what was behind it.

Steeling herself, she flung her book to the side and lunged forward, flanking the traitorous chair as she pursued her target with much more vigour than what was probably required, putting to full use the hearty (not to mention very healthy) breakfast she had had this morning.

As she landed with a slightly painful _thump_ on the floor beside the chair, she found that pursuit was unnecessary, as her quarry was simply crouching on her hands and knees behind the furniture, smiling brightly as if her vocal outbursts hadn't aroused suspicion at all.

"Hartmann?! Did you just bark at me?" Trude said in exasperation from her place on the floor, trying to grab at the blonde Flying Officer who sat just out of reach.

"Trude!" Erica exclaimed happily, as if she didn't realize Trude had been in the same room, "_Bark!"_ She lunged forward and put her hands on Trude's, sticking her tongue out and panting like a dog. Her familiar tail was wagging, and for some strange reason, the ears of her Dachshund familiar were actually _there_, instead of the usual darkening of her bangs. There was a small shimmer of magic distorting the air around her, flowing out of her, doing who knows what to the environment, but probably contributing to global warming as a side.

"W- what are you even doing?" Trude said in confusion, quickly standing up as Erica inched closer. "Get up! A soldier of Karlsland shouldn't act like this!" She noted with relief that there was no other personnel permitted on this area of the base other than the Witches, so nobody would see this.

Erica panted gleefully and made a series of intricate dog noises as if to say, _"It's _Familiar Day,_ where you act as your familiar! Some of the others are doing it! Join in!"_

Now Erica had thought of several stupid things before, like the one week she decided to be an Ocean Witch and "fly" underwater with her Strikers like a submarine, or the time she thought it would be a good idea to raid Trude's underwear and wear them on her head. Both of them ended in her being fished out of a body of water while unconscious, but that didn't stop her from doing such things.

After briefly wondering just _how_ she was able to understand what Erica had literally barked out, Trude decided to let Erica know that it was completely absurd, "No way! That's completely absurd."

Erica whined, and looked up at Trude with wide eyes.

"No, that won't work on me!" Trude crossed her arms with a pout, staring evenly into Erica's eyes. _It's not cute. It's not cute. It's not cute._

Erica kept staring.

Trude kept staring back.

Erica stared back, more so than usual.

Trude's staring became more than a stare.

Erica kept staring. The distortion of magic around her suddenly intensified into a cyan blue for a brief moment, causing Trude to feel her own strange feeling intensify for a split second, bringing a faint tint of red to her cheeks. _Hartmann is causing this! _Trude realized with a start.

"W-why are you doing this?" Trude asked, a touch unsteadily as Erica crawled over to her and began rubbing up against her bare legs sending shivers she had never felt before.

"_Woof!"_ Erica replied happily, which roughly translated into _"It's fun!" _in normal people talk, effectively answering the wrong question.

"F … fun …?" Trude said carefully, taking note of this new word she was unfamiliar with as it passed through her lips. "You … you mean things like military procedures, ironing uniforms, and general upkeep of personal hygiene?"

"_Bark bark woof rrrrrr!" _Erica shook her head frantically at her wingmate's twisted, _revolting_ definition of fun. _"NEIN, _fun_ as in swimming, reading comics, having [CENSORED] with your fellow Witches, and eating sweets!"_ From the floor, she placed a hand on Trude's leg, as if to illustrate a point.

"… I suppose that could be enjoyable as we- wait a second, what was that one in the middle?!"

"_Bark. (Reading comics.)"_

Before Trude could correct her wingmate and ask for the othermiddle, or realize that there is _no_ _middle _option in a group of four without division, a certain someone decided to enter the room and happened upon the sight of the two Witches in the middle of the room.

"Good morning you two!" Commander Minna-Dietlinde Wilcke smiled brightly at them. The smile faded somewhat into confusion, as she raised her eyebrows at the odd pose they were in. It was as if Erica was begging Trude for something. _Trude_ was usually the one reduced to begging for Hartmann to do something, like get up in the morning. "… Hartmann? What are you doing on the floor?"

Erica barked happily in her direction, surprising the Commander with her proficiency and eloquence in canine tongue. The elegant and silky smooth words crashed upon the listeners like a wave of serene bliss, causing blushes all around due to weight of the sheer linguistic beauty. The common room momentarily became an ethereal wonderland, and Trude found herself dizzy with wonder, as if the Gods & Goddesses had spoken divine words unto her, revealing the answers to all of mankind's questions. It was as if she could actually reach out and feel the energy flowing throughout the Earth, bringing the ancient stories and turmoils the planet had endured since it's bir-

"Bark?" Minna turned her gaze onto Trude questioningly, unsure if she should be expecting a noise of the canine variety from the other Karlslander as well, "Did I miss something, Barkhorn?"

Minna admittedly felt a twinge of disappointment when Gertrud _Bark_horn did not, in fact, bark in reply. Unfortunately, that item would have to remain uncrossed on her list for now, alongside knitting a scarf, and seeing a real life dodo.

"Er …" Trude started hesitatingly, sweat beginning to form on her forehead, "Hartmann is … acting like her familiar- HEUH!?" She suddenly started as she felt something warm press up against her rear end, whirling around to find Erica's face buried in her butt, sniffing as dogs tend to do to others. Inadvertently, the odd feeling rose up again and her own familiar ears and tail burst out of her in panic, as a blush exploded onto her face.

Jumping forward a few feet, Trude covered her rear with her hands, looking back in embarrassment. "Y… y-ou didn't …!"

"_Bark-woof!"_ Erica informed Minna matter-of-factly, or as matter-of-factly as a bark can be. She smirked playfully at the flustered Trude, tail swishing about mischievously.

"Oh! So you act like your familiar for today? Sounds interesting, as long as it stays on base, and no other non-Witch personnel see it."

Trude gaped at the Commander. Minna was going to let the top Witch Ace of all of mankind act like a dog? It was just like the time she had let the healer skip training because the Fuso healer was determined to prove that she really _could _elbow herself in the face, spending the day trying to prove this claim. This would probably end in the same way, with a number of casualties, a demolished wall, and a whole lot of people wondering who thought it was a good idea to begin with.

It was just at that moment that a trio of people had come to a consensus that they would use the nearby hall as their means of transportation on their way to the hangar, effectively catching Minna's attention with their noise. She spotted Mio surrounded by Shirley and some brown haired girl in a sailor uniform (whom she had forgotten the name of), all talking and laughing together. The latter of them seemed to be eyeing Mio's chest almost … hungrily.

Now normally Minna was a rational, laid back kind of person. The normal Minna would have thought nothing of it. The normal Minna would've poured herself some tea, leaned back and said _"Oh boy, I'm glad my squadron is getting along. It sure is swell around here!"_

But today's Minna was feeling a bit restless as well, unknowingly due to something of Erica's doing, and suddenly the Commander was feeling a bit … different.

Without looking away from the doorway, she waved her hand in Erica's direction, not noticing her own wolf ears and tails slowly sprouting. "So Hartmann, what are some examples of what one would do during this … _Familiar_ _Day?"_

"_Woof"_ _"(Well, you can go hunt, or you could go mark and defend your territory or something!)"_

"I … see." Minna replied, still not facing them, "Well … I think there's something I must attend to. At this moment. Right now. Over there. Ja." Throwing a wave over her shoulder, she crept out the doorway, as if she was a wolf or something. "NO SCENT MARKING THOUGH." She yelled back as an afterthought. "OR IT'S FIRE AND BRIMSTONE FOR YOU. _AND_ TOILET DUTIES."

"I cannot believe you did that!" Trude practically screamed, having finally recovered from the trauma, "In front of the Commander too!" She took her hands off her own rear and lunged at Erica. "Get over here, _hunde_!"

Erica giggled as she dodged Trude's hands, darting in to nuzzle her wingmate's chest before running out of the room. On all fours.

"Hey! Get back here!" Trude yelled out as she gave chase. She gasped when Erica's tunic flipped up in the tailwind the ace had generated, "YOU'RE SERIOUSLY NOT WEARING ANY PANTIES? UNHYGENIC! CLOTHING IS A BASIC HUMAN RIGHT! YOU MONSTER!"

Erica took off down the hallway, moving frighteningly fast on all fours despite her normal life as a pantless, magical, upright bipedal.

"_Scheiße!" _Trude cursed in Karlslandic as she pounded down the hallway after her quarry. Fiddling with her tunic as she ran, she pulled a pair of Erica's panties out her pocket. She always kept a pair of them on her, just in case the younger girl decided to pull shit like this. And that's the only reason she carried one. There was _definitely not_ another pair in her other pocket, and the other pair of panties (which by the way, are_ not_ there) are _definitely not_ for other reasons. Nuh-uh.

"I WILL BREAK A BROOMHANDLE IN YOUR ASS IF YOU DON'T PULL OVER" Trude yelled out threateningly, reverting back to Commonspeak, as if to let anyone that happened to be listening know of her intentions and maybe hopefully join in. Because damn, Erica could haul ass if she wanted to.

Erica barked back, and increased speed, taking them through the halls of the base. She made a hard left at the stairs, and crawled _down _the steps at a breakneck pace. Trude pounded down the stairs, breathing heavily but determined to catch her, panties gripped in her hand that she had definitely not and _never_ even _thought_ about using as a [CENSORED] aid. No way.

Trude's eyes lit up as the little Ace skidded into a briefing room. Erica had made a tactical error! The briefing room only had one entrance, and the girl would finally be cornered for sure! The scent of victory was a strong as a wet Eri- DOG on a hot day. Great, now she was even mixing the two words up.

"AH-HAH!" she exclaimed triumphantly as she reached the doorway, digging her nails into to the frame, "I HAVE YOU SURROUNDED, AT LEAST FROM THIS SI- !"

She was cut short as Erica pulled an illegal U-turn and launched herself into her wingmate's face, knocking them both back into the hallway.

Thinking Erica would try to escape, Trude immediately locked her arms around the Ace, holding her down against her in a bear hug.

Escape apparently wasn't on the blonde's mind; in fact, "attack" seemed more appropriate, as she assaulted Trude's face with happy licks and pawed at her chest.

"H-hey! Hartmann! S-stop that!" Trude gasped out, trying to avoid the unbelievable Erica assault, to no avail. The odd feeling inside of her rose, and she blushed a bright red as she realized she could feel _something_ of Erica's as the blonde straddled her bare leg. "I-I'll kill you if you don't! I r-really will …!"

"OK!" Erica smirked, kissing her full on the lips before leaping back into the debrief room to hide, leaving Trude slumped against the far wall, still in shock.

"Wh … WHA?!" a flustered Trude finally exclaimed, slapping her hands over her mouth in surprise. Her lips tingled nicely under her fingers. "DOGS DO NOT DO THAT."

"Oops!" Erica sang from the other room, hidden from view, "My unparalleled obsession, nay, infatuation with your person seems to have distracted me, and thus; I hath broken character! Hark; dost thou hear? My heart doth pound with untamable ecstasy at our exchange!"

_Enter MINNA-DIETLINDE_

Trude gaped once again at the Commander who had interrupted them with her appearance once again.

Minna seemed a bit different than last time they had seen her, not more than a half hour ago. Trude couldn't decide if it was the rumpled, half undone uniform, the messy hair, or the unfinished paperwork sticking out her pocket that shocked her. Or maybe it was the fierce eyes, or the blood splattered all over her body like paint, as if Minna had been painting. Painting death. Bone chilling.

_How does one paint a respectable, visionary work of art with but a single colour and no variations of shades_? _What otherworldly technique is this?_ Trude wondered in awe.

Or, perhaps it was what appeared to be Mio, who was draped over Minna's one shoulder, looking like she was being kidnapped, albeit unharmed. A sign was taped to the Major's rear, reading "_Property of Minna-Dietlinde Wilcke"_

"Hello Barkhorn, doing well?" the Commander bared her surprisingly sharp canines in a wild smile, sharply contrasting her pleasantly fresh breath.

Trude simply stared.

Minna continued on, not minding the lack of a reply, "If you see Hartmann, tell her that spicy wing night is cancelled tonight, I have some … _very important business_ to attend to tonight. Have a happy mating season." With that, she adjusted her hostage and sprinted down the hall towards her quarters.

"_Scheiße!" _Erica cursed from within the room, after the Commander had left with her spoils of war, "I was looking forward to that! Whatever will I do with my free time?"

Trude licked her lips nervously as she felt the sensation flare. "H-Hartmann?"

"Barkhorn? _The_ Gertrud Barkhorn?"

"I … I wouldn't mind some more of that …"

Erica peeked from inside of the room at her warily. This was very unlike Trude; asking for _more _sexual advances? It was if the world turned inside out; was that even the real Trude. sitting across the hall, nose buried in some white cloth thing and breathing heavily?!

It could be an ambush, and she wasn't about to get caught. The blonde coiled up, ready to make another run for it. She could probably hide in Lucchini's closet. Works every time.

"It … it _is_ mating season, isn't it?" Trude said out loud. She couldn't believe what she was saying, but she was completely caught up in the romantic atmosphere the Commander had set when she had passed through with a body slung over her shoulder. "And… you have nothing to do tonight, right? No spicy wings … remember?"

Erica smirked; that's all she needed to hear. This would be better than spicy wings. Intensifying her atmospheric magic, she sprang out of the room and onto her wingmate for some high impact [CENSORED] in the middle of the hall.

Perrine was having a weird day.

She had gotten up in the morning expecting everything to be relatively normal, or at least a semblance of such, but it seems that someone had either cursed the rest of her squadron, or made a blood pact with a demon, or something to that effect.

Upon opening her eyes, she had been greeted by the sight of Lucchini sitting on top of her in her underwear, and the twin tailed girl had done nothing but meow and softly headbutt her, ignoring all orders to withdraw. Perrine _really_ didn't feel like performing exorcisms again, and she had been confident that the seal on the underworld portal in Lucchini's closet would hold, but it looked like she would have to get some Andromedans to help with the next ritual.

After the millionth headbutt, the Gallian had given up pondering escape routes and martial arts throws, and hesitatingly patted the Romagnan on the head, who then fell off to the side, promptly curled up and fell asleep in Perrine's bed beside her. Not willing to take the effort pick up the girl and drop her off somewhere else, Perrine just left her there and headed off to breakfast.

She had then come across an odd sight.

There appeared to be a rear end and two legs sticking out of the wall on one side of the hallway. The visible parts were pretty bare, save for what looked a blue swimsuit and white shoes. Due to the cracks in the wall, Perrine deemed that the person had been jammed into the once unblemished wall with a large amount of force, and the rest them was located on the other side, if intact. Poking the leg yielded a small bit of movement, so she decided that the person was still alive.

She also noted that the person was pretty high up on the wall, and determined it must have been a giant's doing. The window across was unbroken so that ruled out an attack on the base from outside forces. Though, Perrine wasn't particularly interested in this newly added piece of architectural design, so she passed by without a second thought.

Not 10 paces forward, she had discovered an abundance of red liquid on the ground, immediately bringing to mind images of ancient battlefields she had read about in books. She checked if anyone was around before she started practicing her swordplay, swinging her imaginary rapier as she stepped through the red rivers of blood in a dance of death, slaying warriors left and right.

At the end, the Heroine of Gallia discovered that the trail of liquid ended up going under a closet door. Perrine reached for the knob, but suddenly stopped. Last time she had opened a closet in the hallway, a whole suit of armour had fallen on top of her, knocking her out. Remembering that traumatic incident, she decided to not open a door this time, passing by with an apologetic pat. The mystery would have to be solved by another.

Now she was walking towards the dining hall for a nice delicious breakf-

"HEY"

Perrine jumped back about ten feet, screaming in Gallian, "MON DIEU" She stuck the landing, momentarily proud she had not jumped out the window this time, though a bit disappointed she would have to walk those ten feet _again_. She had a moment of silence for those lost steps before fixing her uniform, straightening up and glaring at her would-be assailant. "Don't do that, Juutilainen! Qu'est-ce que tu veux?"

Eila seemed to have jumped out an air vent. The Suomi had an odd, lustful look in her eyes, and was vibrating on the spot. It looked as though she would probably phase through the floor at any moment. "Pussy Pirate Princess Pancake Paladin Perrine! SANYA WHERE." She crept towards the Gallian like a predator, and the latter took a step back, unfortunately widening the distance between her and the dining room some more.

"I told you to stop calling me that!" Perrine replied resentfully, "Sanya? Je ne sais pas! Dans votre chambre à coucher?"

"OK" Eila shot past her towards the hangar.

"Hey! Did you even know what I said?!" Perrine called.

"NO" came the reply.

Perrine huffed and continued on her way, wondering which of the many demons of chaos was possessing Eila today. She had finally reached the kitchen and fixed herself up a nice meal, and was just beginning to eat when she heard a sound come from the storage room. The door was slightly ajar, and a pair of eyes stared at her.

"_Meow"_

Rolling her eyes, she walked over to the door, food in hand. She grabbed hold of the handle and opened it, "Lucchini, I swear, go get someone else to pet yo-"

Perrine was surprised to see that it was Sanya and Lynette sitting in the room, looking like they were hiding. Their empty breakfast plates sat in front of them.

"Really?" Perrine sighed, "You two as well?"

Sanya patted an empty space in between the two hideaways invitingly. The Gallian hesitated, but the sound of what seemed to be Eila howling from elsewhere on the base caused her to shut the door quickly and take the invitation of a spot in their bunker.

Perrine sighed in defeat as she realized the high point of her day had already past, and began to eat her breakfast, trying to stop Sanya's flicking tail from getting in her face. Maybe it was a time for a visit to Amelie, far, far away from here.

[Unfamiliar – END]

_An idea I had a long time ago. It was much shorter and meant to be a comic, but I realized how lazy I am, and decided to just write it down. Maybe someday, aigoo~_

_I remembered it while rereading one of my favourite Touhou fics, and I have some references in here to it, just because I absolutely love their writing. _

_Thanks! OK! Let's become better friends tomorrow!_

미나


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